The Southern Love Song
by The Son of Logan and Ororo
Summary: How would Rogue react to being able to control her powers? I think it might go a little something like this.


Southern Love Song

I do not own the characters of X-men: Evolution. I also don't own the rights to any Monty Python song.

I bet you people are going to wonder why I would write this songfic. Well it's because the VAST majority of X-Men: Evolution fans think that Rogue can do no wrong. Well I for one am sick of it. I am for complete and utter equality. That means everybody gets bashed. Oh and before you people say that I didn't give Remy an accent, let's face it people, he doesn't have one in Evolution except when he says, 'Cherie'.

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"So McCoy, how many more shots do I need?"

"Quite a few more Mr. LeBeau. Mind you, not as many as Rogue shall need, but still quite a lot. She must have some remnant of Sabertooth's healing factor to still be alive."

Henry and Remy looked over to a window looking into another room of the medical bay. Rogue lay on the bed hooked up to several machine either monitoring her vital signs or allowing some sort of fluid into her body. They looked away when they heard the hiss of the automatic door opening to see the Professor and Logan enter.

"I must say that I am very disappointed in Rogue's behavior. I can not that she behaved so recklessly once she gained control of her powers. I thought she had more maturity than to..." Charles trailed off not knowing how to phrase what he wanted to say. Good thing Logan was there.

"Act like a slut?" Logan put eloquently.

"I wouldn't have put it so crassly Logan."

"Um, so how many guys did she get to before she finally found me?" asked Remy.

Henry picked up a notepad. "From what we have heard and that the Professor has been able to verify from scans; Bobby, Roberto, Ray, Sam, Lance, Pietro, our good friend Warren Worthington, and about a quarter of the male population of Bayville High. Plus, there is no way that a quintupling of divorce filings since she gained control could be a coincidence."

"Good thing Scott's visiting his brother." Logan pointed out.

"I guess she saved the best for last huh?" Remy asked. Logan answered it with a growl.

Henry decided it would be best to interrupt Logan. "Mr. LeBeau, there are a few things that I have found in your system that I can not find in Rogue's. How is that?"

Remy actually had the decency to at least look ashamed. "Well several weeks ago I was feeling some what down. Got a hold of a bottle of bourbon, lifted some money off of Creed, found my self downtown and...."

Charles decided he should pick this one up instead of letting Logan. "Paid a lady for services rendered?"

"And you didn't even have to read my mind." Remy quipped.

"Charles, Logan, I do need to get back to Mr. LeBeau's treatments."

"Sorry to interrupt Henry." Charles and Logan were about to the door when Gambit and Beast heard the Professor ask, "How many lawsuits have come in Logan?"

"Last I counted, fifty-seven."

"Take a seat again Mr. LeBeau while I go look at the latest cultures."

Remy sat down on the edge of one of the beds looking at the window looking into room with Rogue in it. After a few seconds, he got up and walked to the glass. Placing his right hand on the glass, he let out a sigh while gazing longingly at Rogue.

__

Inflammation of the foreskin

Reminds me of your smile.

I've had ballanital chancroids

For quite a little while.

I gave my heart to NSU

That lovely night in June.

I ache for you, my darling,

And I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herpes,

My syphilitic sores.

Your moenelial infection,

How I miss you more and more.

Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox,

Our lovely gonnorrhea,

At least we both were lying,

When we said that we were clear.

Our syphilitic kisses,

Sealed the secret of our tryst.

You gave me scrotal pustules,

With a quick flick of your wrist.

Your trichovaginitis

Sent shivers down my spine;

I got snail tracks in my anus

When your spirochetes met mine.

(Henry looks at the culture samples in a pteri dish and starts listing them off.)

__

Gonoccocal urethritis,

streptococcal ballinitis,

meningo myelitis,

diplococcal cephalitis,

epididimitis,

interstitial keratitis,

syphilitic choroiditis,

and antertior u-ve-i-tis.

Remy continues serenading Rogue.

My clapped out genitalia

Is not so bad for me,

As the complete and utter failure

Every time I try to pee.

Oh, McCoy says my buboes

Are the worst he's ever seen, (Henry nods)

My scrotum's painted orange

And my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender

Though my parts are awful raw,

You might have been infected

But you never were a bore.

I'm dying of your love, my love

I'm your spirochaetal clown,

I've left my body to science

But I'm afraid they've turned it down.

(Henry is amazed that so much can be in one petri dish.)

__

Gonoccocal urethritis,

streptococcal ballinitis,

meningo myelitis,

diplococcal cephalitis,

epididimitis,

interstitial keratitis,

syphilitic choroiditis,

and antertior u-ve-i-tis.


End file.
